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Ramblings of a Failed Romantic

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Sunday, September 28th, 2008
12:47 am - I am convinced that the world is full of assholes

I still can't sleep, I was reading old entries and finding relief in knowing that I was becoming a bitter and jaded person prior to the falling out with my parents.  Ah, life.

I'm fatter now then I was last year at this time.  I'm typically okay with this unless I go on facebook.  Facebook is the devil, I hate it.  It really feels like it has become a necessary evil.  WHY!  What ever happened to a good old fashioned email?  Seriously?  Facebook makes it harder to just brush someone off - know what I mean?  Ever had a friend that just got more and more annoying until finally one day you decide to just maybe start ignoring them?  I know, mature.  But it's a nice, easy way to get out of something not all that great.  But with Facebook, you are seriously fucked.  Every event you go to, every party you have - you either have to make it all secret to avoid said person or you just need to be harsh and break up.  Really!  Is that necessary?  I don't want to know why some people have drifted away from me, do you?  Isn't it nicer when they are just really busy and slowly you fill your time with other people and activities - then one day you see them on the street and are like, "Hey!  How's it going?  Been a while!"  Yeah, that's because you USED to hang out and now the person is just an old friend.  Facebook has not strengthened my relationships or made it easier to keep in touch.  It may have helped me find someone I went to high school with (but whom I obviously never put an effort into keeping in touch with) or it may have helped me look and go, "Ha!  Look at that person that taunted me!" or some such other random crap.  Seriously though, my life is not better because of facebook.

The worst part is how facebook can merge all of your worlds into one - your online world, your family world, your work world, and your friend world.  AH, that is so awful even just to think about! 

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12:22 am
Dear life,

I'm tired and would like to sleep tonight. 

Lately, I have been unappreciative of life.  I'm not depressed, just angry and annoyed.  You know?  I'm becoming that bitter and jaded woman that hates children and threatens small animals.  I pretend that it isn't the truth around other people but really, when left to my own devices I would spend all day on my sofa eating candy and chatting with my cat.

I don't know how to describe it all but I know when it began, a few months ago when my parents made some stupid financial decisions that really, well, humiliated and upset me.  Really mostly upset me.  But yeah, since then I've been on this goddam roller coaster of emotion and now I just want to get off.  Have you ever had an epiphany that was so ugly, you wish you could rewind to six months prior and avoid it at all costs?  After everything that happened, I had an epiphany about my parents and I - we have (and have always had) a really really toxic relationship.

I know, that should be pretty evident - right?  Or something?  I seriously had no idea, honestly I thought it was me - maybe I needed to be more empathetic, try harder, be kinder...I didn't know, I tried it all.   All I know is that up until eight months ago, I thought my parents were okay - a little flawed with some issues, but hey - I'm an adult, nothing I can't deal with right?  But now, I when I think of them I get anxious - I seriously want to avoid them at all costs.  I've even thought about getting a restraining order - and when I talk to other people about it they think this is a GOOD IDEA.  Now that is really bothersome!  That means maybe they are fucked and I'm not just overreacting!

Anyway.  Yeah, I can't sleep. 

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Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
3:42 pm - I love random emails


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Friday, June 8th, 2007
9:57 am
My head hurts.

A guy I went to high school with got killed in Afghanistan.
It bothered me when I didn't recognize his face (it was a small high school with less then 100 kids per class, he was only a year older then me). I looked him up in my old year book and realized who he was. Nice, shy guy. His wife went into hysterics at his funeral, the media covered it with great delight.

I also knew one of the guys injured in the "friendly fire" incedent.

War is depressing.

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Friday, June 1st, 2007
12:15 pm
I was sitting here, quietly at work avoiding some pressing issues when I suppose I just got a tad too comfortable and let out a giant belch. I can't really tell you what possessed me to do so but from the lack of sound around me, I am sure that all of my coworkers are thinking I'm one hell of an obnoxious mofo.

At first, I laughed to myself but now I am honestly embarrassed.

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Friday, April 27th, 2007
9:18 am
Is it just me or is LJ slowin down??

Hi. I'm more part of the problem then the solution. I have recently discovered facebook and all those long lost friends from where-ever the fuck I used to live. The R man thinks that facebook is a serious waste of time - full of people I will never see again, more just satisfying curiosity for people that I never bothered the keep in touch with. It's all, 'Random person from elementary school! Yay! It's nice the chat you up, what have you been up to (even though I never cared til now)?'

Anyway. On a side note, my guy FINALLY finished his PhD. Total cost to him: Seven years, lots of student debt, one relationship. Seriously, grad school kills couples faster then you would believe. He was actually worried that I would dump him if he didn't finish. The good news is that he also managed to land a limited term appointment as a professor at a local university! yay!

I'm tired, that is all.

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Sunday, April 22nd, 2007
9:01 pm
I'm in Washington (DC) for some training and my favorite comment so far:

"You're Canadian? You know, you sound just like an American!"

and after I commented on all the flowers

"Is there still snow in Canada right now?"

I wanted to say no SO BADLY but then I recalled Montreal circa two days ago and had to grudgingly admit that yes, there is still snow in Canada.

Then another great convo,

"How many people are in Canada?"
"25 million? I'm not sure"
"25 billion?"
"25 million"
"25 billion?"
"No, I said million. Like there's more people in California...25 Million."
"Isn't it a big country?"

I'm patient, I used to work in tourism.

"Oooooh! Where you from in Canada? VANCOUVER?"
I laughed at that one. He was asian so it seemed very cliche.
"No," I said. "Ottawa, Ontario - the capital"
He didn't know it, I wasn't offended.

And for my librarian friends
"Where are you going?"
"The National Library of Medicine"
"OOOOH you look like a doctor!"
"I'm a librarian!"
"Oh, that's too bad"

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Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
12:29 pm - My Movie Review for 300
Lots of hot dewds, running around in leather underwear ranting about FREEDOM and crap. Should have been put out after 9/11, it would have done better and inspired more patriotism in the US. I would have liked it more if the movie just involved the army prancing around singing, "I feel Pretty". It would have had more plot development and been more realistic.

Oi, the guys were hot. Oh, there was the occasional nude scene with women to try and keep it interesting.

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Monday, April 2nd, 2007
3:28 pm
Hi, Mr. Tall Repair Man with the crazy red hair. First, thank you for all of your hard work. I was admiring the state of our bathrooms just the other day (we don’t really need paper towel or tampon machines). I know that without you, my cube walls would fall into disrepair and life as I know it would cease to exist. Each and everyday, I appreciate what you do and the privacy that your work affords me. Really, I do.

Second, thank you for entering my workspace and prancing around like Mr. All Important. I didn’t actually need notice or anything, clients call me and love hearing your power tools in the background. I realize that it surprised you to see someone under the age of 50 working around here and now, for some reason, you feel the need to constantly look over the walls and admire my space. Yes, I know you are there. All of your pushing and hammering has grabbed my attention. Oh and yes, I have noticed that you keep checking me out. I’m really happy I wore this top today, you seem to really appreciate it. I think I’ll burn it when I go home. I know you aren’t looking at my face as you haven’t really clued into the fact that I’m really not happy with you.

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Monday, March 26th, 2007
9:23 am
Okay so I have noticed that some bad driving habits are gender specific:

1. People that don't signal and cut across multiple lanes of traffic/weave in and out are typically men.
2. People that hug your ass in giant SUVs while talking on their cells are typically women.

I'd rather have an asshuger then be cut off by someone that doesn't signal. Sometimes I'm tired and really am not capable of thinking on behalf of other drivers.

PS. Driving makes me feel guilty sometimes, I should find a car pool.
PPSS. I drive by the gym everyday, I don't stop. Maybe tomorrow I will go.

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9:08 am
So we bought a car. It's a first for both of us.Collapse )
Benefits include:
-No crazy "AH I'M LATE" mornings which used to happen every day.
-I eat breakfast with my husband.
-I get quiet time on the way to work.
-I can fill the car up with my shit, it can be a traveling part of my household.

Things I miss:
-Sitting on the bus not thinking about anything.
-The morning traffic is fucking CRAZY. Commuters are real assholes!
-People. I miss the little kids, the crazies, and the bus drivers.
-The other day, I almost got hit by someone that changed lanes at the same time as me but didn't signal. I caught it just in time and managed to move back into crazy traffic but wow, now I'm a tad tense when I drive.
-I can't seem to get the seat adjusted, it makes me feel incredibly incompetent.

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Monday, February 19th, 2007
3:33 pm
First day at my new job

Right now I miss:
1. Free Coffee
2. All new office stuff. Seriously, a lot of my 'new' office equipment is older then I am.
3. Working downtown
4. Having a laptop
5. Working in a state-of-the-art office space

I don't miss:
1. Working 'in the bowels' of the building
2. Being surrounded by people that think having an on-staff librarian is cute, charming, amusing, but totally useless.
3. My tiny tiny desk
4. My uptight coworkers and their fashion. Most of my coworkers wear JEANS! I actually feel overdressed in what used to be my most casual work outfit.

Right now I find amusing:
1. The vintage pen holder I have. I used to have an orange one,
apparently someone remembered this and found me its twin in black.
2. I can't get any drawers open, they are so sticky.
3. I am not a boss, I can bring shit to work and totally hump the dog
4. How many people remember me, it's seriously feels like I just got
back from a long vacation.
5. The vintage 70s decor

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Saturday, February 17th, 2007
1:17 pm
Life is so fricken weird, I just got the most f*cked email from the sibling of a childhood friend:
email behind cutCollapse )

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Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
3:33 pm
So yesterday, I finished being a corporate ho. I brought my heels home and contemplated their retirement. My new office is on the second floor and rumor has it that there is not one window but TWO!

(in my recent work incarnation, I was a records manager which meant no windows ever. My coworkers described my space as "the bowels of the building")

F-U Corporate Company.

In other news, I'm still married though I cant stop calling him my BoyFriend. I will post about The Big Day when I have pictures and whatnot to follow along.

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Sunday, February 11th, 2007
8:46 pm
so I managed to get married last weekend. I'll post a pic when I have somethin decent!

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Friday, January 12th, 2007
10:28 am
The weather is craptastic and the bus is packed.

A man in a wheel chair attempts to get off at a stop and everyone struggles to make room. He adjusts, moves, manipulates, and finally manages to get off the bus.

I think nothing of it until a woman turns to me and says, "Wow, was he ever incompetent! It's not like it was his first time in a wheelchair!"

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Saturday, January 6th, 2007
6:41 pm
I finally picked a userpic. It's a smoking kids with a rooster.

And damn, Andylosttheplot - your bday is my weddin day.

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Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
9:54 pm

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Monday, December 25th, 2006
10:54 am
merry christmas!!!

thanks for the cards and happy thoughts!!!

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Saturday, December 2nd, 2006
1:26 pm
It finally happened. I'm sick as a dog, knocked flat on my ass. I'm tired, sore, grouchy. Generally speak, just not all that nice.

Brief life update:
-Work sucks.
-I'm getting married in two months and still haven't sent out invitations.
-I'm sick.
-I'm in hiding and have avoiding 99% of the people I know for the last two or three months.

The good news is that I managed to get my shit together long enough to finally order my wedding dress. Four days ago. Seriously. It's a custom job so it should be done on time.

In other news, I've also hired a personal trainer. Until yesterday, I thought he was a pretty decent guy. Until I woke up really fucking sick and in so much pain it hurt to walk down the stairs. Me not so keen on said trainer anymore. But oh well, this is what I get for sitting on my ass for seven? eight? years, thinking that somehow my age hadn't caught up with me and the metabolism of my teens would stick with me forever.

Ladies, when you hit your late 20s be warned - your ass is coming for you.

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